Melissa Nibbles

Hate Reading & Chicken And Veggie Pesto Pasta

2012-01-31T09:20:00.000-05:00

I've been on a roll cooking up all sorts of different meals for myself. One of my co-workers was selling cute recipe flip-books for her son's school last week and I purchased the "Better Health" flip-book.

I was surprised with the variety of recipes in the book and chose to try something I've never made before. Pesto! I've actually only had pesto a few times so I was a little intimidated to try making it on my own. It turned out well and I'll definitely make it again.

Chicken And Veggie Pesto Pasta
Adapted from Better Health recipe book that kids sell at schools to make money for sports teams.
Ingredients

1/2 lb boneless chicken breast, cut into pieces

1 zucchini

1 yellow squash
1/4 cup olive oil
1/2 cup walnut pieces
1 clove garlic
2 cups torn spinach leaves
1 cup basil
1/4 cup part-skim mozzarella
salt and pepper to taste

Instructions
Add all the pesto ingredients to a food processor, except the olive oil. Pulse and blend well. Slowly drizzle in the oil (I used a blender for this and it worked fine).
Cook pasta in boiling water. While the pasta cooks: Saute the chicken in the pan with 1 TBS of olive oil until browned and done, about 5-8 minutes depending on size of pieces. Remove chicken from the pan.

Cut up all the veggies and add then to the pan. Saute until crisp tender, about 5 minutes.

Drain pasta.

In a large pot or bowl, combine the pasta, chicken, sauteed veggies and pesto. Stir together until combined well.

I wasn't sure how it would taste using walnuts in the recipe instead of pine nuts, but I didn't notice a difference in taste. I overcooked my pasta a bit as you can probably see in the photo, but it still tasted good and I had tons of leftovers!

There was an interesting article on Jezebel yesterday discussing why people hate-read blogs and what makes a blog hate-readable. I had to laugh because everyone does this and I'm always interested in what other people hate-read and why. Personally, I hate-read because I'm bored at work and it amuses me. The thing is, I don't hate-read the blogs themselves, but the comment sections. Comment sections on blogs blow my mind. I love laughing at people who will comment, "Your oatmeal is so inspiring!" or when people attack others for having a different opinion. I could sit and hit refresh and watch an argument go down all day long. These are my top three hate-reads:

Barstool Sports. I actually enjoy their sports coverage and think some of the articles are pretty funny. However, the writers go over the line of what's appropriate. There are rape jokes and they're very demeaning towards women, but I can't stop reading! The comment section kills me. Commenters get into fights over everything from whether Ochocinco should play Sunday to if Hillary Duff is still hot. And they throw down over this stuff! It's hilarious. I've learned most of my new favorite insults from Barstool's comment section.
Thought Catalog. Oh my God. This is one of the worst sites on the internet. It's a place where 20-somethings write passionately about how hard their lives are because their boyfriend didn't text them last night and it made them feel all the feelings or how life just isn't fair because they have to go on coffee runs at their internship. It's frustrating to read about these special snowflakes, but I can't stop! Maybe I like it because it reminds me of my younger, unaware, self? Who knows.
Huffington Post Politics Page. Pick an article, any article on the politics page, scroll down to the comment section, sit back and have your mind blown by comments from people who think that Obama is a terrorist, that there are CIA agents living in our basements listening to our conversations, that Sarah Palin is the next Mother Teresa, or that our elections are rigged by aliens from secret planets that we don't know about. It's amazing.

To recap: I'm pretty much a Top Chef at this point and hate-reading is a fabulous way to kill time.

What I've Learned From Dr. Oz & Hydroxatone Winner!

2012-01-30T08:51:00.004-05:00

Good morning! Thanks to everyone who entered the Hydroxatone giveaway. The winner is:

#29 SummerSlowRunner: "I want to win face goo!! Mine needs all the help it can get."

Email me with your contact information. Congrats!

It doesn't matter if I'm at a client site or at my company's office, Dr. Oz is always on in the breakroom during lunch. He's quite popular among women of a certain age. Personally, I'm not a fan. The way he leers at women and has to hug and caress his audience member's arms turns me off. Oh, and I think he looks like a dragon. That being said, there are few things I've learned from watching his show.

1. We're All Fatties. Yup, we're all fat and Dr. Oz wants to remind us of this fact every, single day. No matter what the topic of the day is, it all comes back to LOSE WEIGHT! I understand that obesity is a problem in our nation, but I had no idea that losing ten pounds would solve all our health problems. Have an eye twitch? Lose weight. That cut on your finger? You probably got it because you're a fattie. I commend Dr. Oz for advocating eating less and moving more. He tells his audience there are no quick fixes, well, except Weight Watchers of course. Because he's teamed up with them for some weight loss challenge. So get on Weight Watchers everyone! It cures everything!

2. Take All The Vitamins! Every episode that I've seen, Dr. Oz tells viewers to take all these vitamin "cocktails". The "cocktails" are different every show; weight loss, anti-aging, energy, fertility, etc... What I've never seen him recommend is a general "cocktail" for everyday wellness. I checked his website as well and wasn't able to find anything there either. If you took his advice from a week's worth of shows, you'd be taking a mountain of pills. So just go to CVS and buy all the vitamins. I'm sure it'll work out well. That being said, I did start taking fish oil and magnesium after he recommended that all women take fish oil for the Omega 3s and to reduce inflammation and magnesium for good bone health.

3. Everyone Needs To Start Boning. He's right about this one. We'd all be less stressed if we were having sex on the regular. I just wish he wouldn't hug and rub up on his audience members while he's telling them they need to have more sex.

4. Go Vegan...For A Month. If you want to lose weight and be more healthy, Dr. Oz suggests going vegan for a month. That's not insulting to vegans at all right? Because I'm sure vegans are only vegans so they can be skinny. He outlines a four-week process to going vegan. In week one, he implies that vegans need to take multivitamins and B12 in order to get protein. What? This guy's a doctor, but doesn't know his vitamins. In week two, he advocates substituting all meat products with soy products. Yup, just eat processed foods people. So easy to be a vegan! The best part is that you don't have to go vegan, you just play vegan for a few weeks because in your last week of being vegan, you "introduce" eggs and dairy back into your diet. His reasoning for this? Because veganism "isn't a reality or even an ideal." I'm sure the millions of vegans would disagree.

To recap: Congrats Summer! And Dr. Oz is a toolbag with good intentions.

Is This Sh*t I Say?

2012-01-29T11:06:00.003-05:00

Okay, so I know I said I hate all these Sh*t _______ Says videos, but my friend just emailed this one to me and I thought it was funny enough to share.

Seriously, I hope this isn't what it's like to be around me, but I'm pretty sure I'm this terrible.

Mad, Bad, And Sad

2012-01-27T08:00:00.000-05:00

I just finished reading "Mad, Bad, And Sad: A History Of Women And The Mind Doctors" by Lisa Appignanesi.

In "Mad, Bad, And Sad" Appignanesi uses letters, diaries and articles of sources ranging from Betty Friedan to Marilyn Monroe to showhow women's ability to live creative lives has been controlled by culture, and how their unsuccessful attempts have lead to mental illness. She begins the book with writer Mary Lamb's 1796 matricide, an early case that was the beginning of the notion of a link between "childhood experience and the deformations of the adult." From there, Appignanesi charts the lives of women in different eras, demonstrating how various forms of "madness" surfaced and tracing the evolution of treatments from early sanatoriums to newer diagnoses (such as postpartum depression) and increasing pharmaceutical options.

It's not surprising that Appignanesi's findings reveal that with new treatments come new problems; she touches on early Prozac recipients Lauren Slater and Elizabeth Wurtzel to show how a generation's "drug-charged highs too often descended into the terrifying and recurring lows of depression, which themselves became the target of more drugs."

What I liked about this book is that Appignanesi doesn't offer solutions, rather than blame men, parents, or media, her case studies contribute to the ongoing conversation about what constitutes mental illness and the ways it's treated. Lately I've been getting into books that explore the history of psychiatry and this was a fascinating read. I think you'll enjoy this book if you're into feminist issues or psychology.

Wicked Pizza & Three Things Thursday

2012-01-26T09:58:00.001-05:00

Last night I met up with my gal pal Emily for pizza at Wicked in Dedham, MA. Being the professional and amazing blogger that I am, I forgot my camera. Woops. We shared the Autumn Butternut and Goat Cheese pizza (apple smoked bacon, roasted apples, goat cheese, butternut squash puree, mozzarella, fried sage) but we ordered it without the bacon (Emily doesn't eat meat). Even without the bacon, the pizza was incredible. When our server put it on the table, the smell of the apples and cinnamon was heaven. The goat cheese was a fantastic contrast to the sweet butternut squash and apples. I'm not normally a crust fan, but the crust was warm and chewy with a slight crunch. Amazing. This was hands down one of the best pizzas I've had in quite awhile and it was fun to share it with a good friend.

Today's Thursday and that means that it's Three Things Thursday! If you're new to the blog, this is a post where I list three things that are annoying me this week. Basically, I whine about my white people problems. You get your chance in the comments.

1. WHAT?! I was watching the local news yesterday during lunch at work and almost threw up on myself. They reported that this guy has been brought up charges of child porn. I went on a date with him!!!! He was on Match! Oh my God...I don't even....It was only one date and it was just drinks and I wasn't interested (he was boring as hell) so it's not like I dated him, but OH MY GOD! What?! Only me. I guess this is a problem in Newton, MA because they found out one of the librarians had a child porn collection going on at work too. What's up with this Newton? Get it together.

2. Shyness. Believe it or not, I'm very shy when I meet new people. It usually wears off in an hour or so, but work is different. I'm struggling to find that balance of being professional, but also "myself" at the same time. I'm still fairly new and don't feel comfortable cracking jokes when others are joking. I just stand there and laugh along. I've been in "Professional Melissa" mode for a long time and I'm starting to see cracks in my veneer. It's becoming harder and harder to hold in my sarcasm and I'm afraid one day I'm just going to explode, say something wildly inappropriate and get fired. GAH! I hope I get over this soon.

3. American Idol. I didn't realize this show was still on until I heard a bit on the morning show I listen to (Toucher And Rich 4Lyfe!!) making fun of the inappropriate things Steven Tyler says to contestants. Who watches this? Why don't they just go to a karaoke bar instead?

To recap: I love pizza, beware of kiddie porn dudes on Match, I'm too shy shy (Kajagoogoo anyone?), and American Idol...blech.

Hydroxatone Giveaway!

2012-01-25T09:17:00.000-05:00

Good morning! This week is flying by for me. I've been super busy at work and found out yesterday that I'm going back to Detroit next week for a round of interviews. Oh, I forgot to mention that I decided to apply for that job transfer. I leave next Wednesday and have a lot of preparation to do over the weekend for the interview. GAH! I really want this job. I really want to move. Just putting that out into the universe. Make it happen universe!

You might remember this post where I complained about that crappy Aveeno eye roller. After reading about my disappointing experience, my blog friend Dori asked me if I'd like to try the line of skin-care products from her company, Hydroxatone. Duh! I love trying new magical potions for my face! Dori sent me three Hydroxatone products to try out.

The Instant Lift Pads which work in 20 minutes to decrease the look of under-eye puffiness and wrinkles. This was my favorite product! I used these on mornings that I had been out late the night before or was feeling especially tired. After 20 minutes, my under-eye area wasn't puffy and there wasn't the usual redness that I experience. I'll definitely be keeping these in my medicine cabinet.

Liftalyze Eye-Lifting Serum which works to reduce wrinkles and restores moisture while boosting the appearance of a toned, firmed and lifted look. I've only been using it for a few weeks, but so far so good and I like that it stays put while I'm putting on my makeup.

Hydrolyze Advanced Under Eye Formula which works to diminish the appearance of dark circles, puffiness and fine lines and wrinkles. Of all the under eye products I've used, this is the only one that I've seen a difference almost right away. I have thin skin under my eyes so you can really see redness and dark circles. After a week I noticed the redness wasn't as deep. Huge fan of this product!

I'm not going to keep going on about this stuff without offering you guys a chance to try these products! If you'd like to win these three products to try for yourself, visit Hydroxatone to see all the fabulous products they have then leave me a comment in the comments section below saying you want to win. It's that easy! I must receive all entries by Sunday January 29, 2012 and the odds of winning are determined by the number of entries received. No purchase necessary to enter. I'll announce the winner Monday.

To recap: Win free magic face potion!

Chicken Poblano Pasta

2012-01-24T09:01:00.002-05:00

This weekend my friends Mike and Tammy had people over their apartment to watch the Patriots game. Tammy made a fantastic pasta dish that was creamy, cheesy and absolutely delicious. Pasta and cheese are my biggest weaknesses so I begged her to email me the recipe. She happily sent it along and gave me the okay to share it on the blog.

I've been stuck in a rut of veggie burgers and stir-frys for awhile and I'm trying to make an effort to cook more interesting meals for myself. The recipe Tammy sent me is just for the sauce she used so I jazzed it up with chicken and a frozen bag of "Southwestern" vegetables from Shaws. I don't like cream cheese so I substituted 2% Fage Greek yogurt and added chili pepper to give it a little zing.

Chicken Poblano Pasta
adapted from SparkRecipes

Ingredients
8 oz Chicken broth, fat free
1 cup 2% Fage Greek Yogurt
1/4 cup reduced-calorie margarine
3 garlic cloves, peeled (or to taste)
3 Poblano peppers, roasted, peeled
1 box whole wheat penne
2 chicken breasts diced
1 bag Southwestern Frozen Vegetables (a mix of red pepper, corn, black beans, green beans)
salt, pepper, and chili pepper to taste

Instructions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Coat poblano peppers with a little bit of oil and place in a heavy, oven-proof pan with the diced chicken.
Roast for 20 minutes or until skin starts to char and bubble.
Immediately remove and place peppers into sealed container or plastic bag.
At this point, start cooking your pasta.
In about 10 minutes, skin should peel right off the peppers, split and remove seeds.
In a blender, combine all the ingredients (except for the chicken, pasta and frozen vegetables) and blend until smooth.
Transfer into a saucepan and heat through on low to medium heat until hot.
When pasta is ready, add frozen vegetables to the pot and let them cook for about two minutes.
Drain pasta and vegetables, return to pot.
Add chicken and sauce to pasta and veggies, mix well.

This recipe came out wonderful. The sauce wasn't as thick as my friend Tammy's, but I think that's because I replaced the cream cheese with yogurt. The leftovers had thickened up considerably when I packed them away later in the night. I'm thinking this meal will be even better heated up again for dinner tonight.

To recap: I'm cooking things!

What Is A Lululemon?

2012-01-23T09:34:00.002-05:00

That was the title of an email I got from EXTREME! over the weekend. He was writing to ask what Lululemon was and if I was a fan of their products. He was approached by the company to sell their products in his store because they're looking to expand into outfitting female cyclists with their own line of racing gear.

I told him that Lululemon sold expensive yoga clothes (that I will never be able to afford) and offer free yoga classes in some stores. I also sent him this article describing the founders fondness for Ayn Rand and the use of quotes from "Atlas Shrugged" on their bags. I wasn't sure if it was a philosophy EXTREME! would want to align his business with. I also sent him the Sh*t Yogis Say video just to make him laugh. He wrote back just saying, "Oh my God" and asked if I thought female riders would even buy the stuff. I told him, I had no idea because I don't know the female cycling culture, that he'd have to ask his customers.

I find it interesting that Lululemon is expanding into other sports. I'm not surprised by it, but I wonder if it will be well received. Their clothes are well made, but Lululemon is a very polarizing company and some people consider their clothes as more of a status symbol than anything else.

To recap: Lululemon is taking over the world!

Between The Sheets & It's OK!

2012-01-20T08:30:00.000-05:00

I finished a fantastic book the other day that I want to tell you guys about. "Between The Sheets: The Literary Liasons Of Nine 20th-Century Women Writers" by Lesley McDowell. In "Between The Sheets" McDowell examines letters and diaries to give us rare insight into the minds of the female halves of some very celebrated literary couples, from the superfamous (Sylvia Plath and Ted Hughes) to the less well known (Hilda Doolittle and Ezra Pound). She focuses on how the members of each couple used one another for literary advancement, but she also highlights the ways that love helped these couples blossom and grow. Of Anas Nin and Henry Miller, McDowell writes, "It is unlikely, as narcissistic as she was, as aspirational as she was, that she would have become the kind of writer she did without her relationship with Miller. He was necessary, after all." McDowell excerpts the women's letters and diary entries, which provide an extra dose of emotion. Suddenly, these feminist-lit figures seem more real and I found myself relating to their internal struggles of being in a relationship without losing their sense of self, fearing that they had to give up their dreams to be with someone. Acclaimed author/war reporter Martha Gellhorn wrote to a friend about her long relationship with Ernest Hemingway: "I weep for the eight years I spent, almost eight (light dawned a little earlier) worshipping his image with him." Sad, yes. But also a reminder not to lose yourself in a relationship, no matter how much fame or potential the guy has. Then again, would these women have been the amazing writers they were if they hadn't suffered such heartache? I'm a huge fan of literary gossip and ate this book up. If you like literary history or sad, love stories, you'll like this book.

It’s Friday and we know what that means….It’s time for It’s OK! I don’t read Glamour because I’m too busy living it, but I do like their “It’s OK…”feature where they assure us that our weird little habits are completely normal. I’m dedicating this post to assuring you it’s okay to do the following this weekend:

To feel nervous when you feel a bus station vibe when you reach the gate for your airline.
To wonder if the people blogging about SOPA the day after the internet blackout had to wait for Wikipedia to return so they could actually learn about SOPA.
To watch "She's All That" and only have one question at the end. Where can I buy that sad clown face painting?!
To roll your eyes after reading this article. I mean, how fabulous of Marky-Mark to take time out of his busy pants-dropping schedule to defeat terrorists.
To wonder why every time you withdraw money from the bank, the teller gives you an attitude. Newsflash bank teller, it's not your personal money!
To have had such a good day yesterday that you want to wear the same clothes today. They did such a good job!
To think Pontiac should send Walter White an edible arrangement for making the Aztec seem so badass.
To want glow in the dark whisker tattoos, so that you look perfectly reasonable most of the time but really weird during client presentations.
To dance it out:

If you took part in blogger/reader penpals, I'll be sending you your penpal today!

Dating Update & Three Things Thursday

2012-01-19T09:04:00.000-05:00

I haven't updated you on my dating life this week and I'm sure you're just dying to know what's going on so let me fill you in. The stand-up comedian I went on two dates with seemed interested, kept in contact and we had plans to go out this past Saturday. Well, he texted me that he was sick Saturday morning and would have to cancel our date. I just rolled my eyes and texted him back to feel better and I haven't heard from him since. Typical.

But...hold up...wait a minute! Friday I got out of work early at noon and was sitting in the train station when a man came up behind me, stroked the back of my hair and said, "Wow, your hair is so long now. I like it." I recognized the voice right away, smiled, turned around and said, "You aren't armed with a spatula are you?" It was EXTREME! If you don't remember, EXTREME! is the nickname I gave to the guy I rebounded with when my ex and I broke up. He owns a mountainbike/snowboard/skateboarding shop and is into extreme sports, tattoos and karaoke. We dated casually for a few months but broke up because I wasn't ready to be in a relationship and he threw a spatula at my head that one time. Anyway, it was totally random that we would meet in the train station like that. He was in the city for a meeting and was taking the same train home. He asked if he could buy me a coffee while we waited for the train and I accepted. We ended up talking for so long we missed our train. It was another hour before the next train would come so we ended up getting lunch, talking some more and talking even more on the train home. The next day, he texted asking if I wanted to see a movie. The comedian had texted out sick so I said sure. We saw "Contraband" (we both hated it) and got dinner at Yardhouse after. Dinner ended up being a blast because there was a bachelorette party there and they came up to EXTREME! and were fawning over his tattoos. They were wasted, but he was very kind to them. Later in the night we photobombed all their pictures. When he dropped me off we just hugged and he didn't ask to come in. He's texted me once since then asking if I want to hang out, but I'm not sure. I know he can be moody, but I also know I didn't treat him that great either. I have feelings for him though. It's weird. So yeah....that's my dating life right now.

Today's Thursday and that means that it's Three Things Thursday! If you're new to the blog, this is a post where I list three things that are annoying me this week. Basically, I whine about my white people problems. You get your chance in the comments.

1. Sh*t ____ Says. The first few were funny, but now it's overdone and no longer funny. Just stop.

2. Paula Deen. I feel bad that she has diabetes (DIAH-BEE-TUS!), but unlike a lot of people, I don't think she owed it to her fans to go public with it. She's never, ever put herself up as a poster-woman for healthy living or marketed her recipes as such. In fact, she's done the opposite. Her health is her own business so whatever. I mean, if I were diagnosed with diabetes, I wouldn't bust into work the next day and yell, "Yo! I got diabetes bitches!!" What bugs me about it is that when she did decide to go public with her disease, she did it for money. If she wanted to help people or raise awareness for diabetes, she would've just done it. Also, no one knew she had the disease so how did she get her deal with Novo Nordisk? Was she actively seeking out an endorsement deal with a drug company? She had to have been! That's an ultimate low in my book. Paula Deen couldn't care less about raising awareness or helping people, she just wants a paycheck. America's sweetheart my ass. I'll let Anthony Bourdain handle this one.

3. Commuting. I'm out at client visits this week for work at a town an hour away from my apartment. Morning commutes are a warzone! People drive 90mph up your ass or 45mph like a turtle. There's no inbetween. Afternoon commutes are basically a traffic jam. Yesterday I sat in one spot for 45 minutes. I shut my car off and read my book. It was ridiculous! My old job was only 20 minutes from my apartment. I'm not used to this chaos! We're only at this client until the end of next week and I'm hoping our next client visit will be closer. At least I get paid for mileage and gas though.

To recap: Things are EXTREME!, stop saying sh*t, Paula Deen is a money-grabbing famewhore and I hate the highway!

Peanut Butter Noodles

2012-01-18T08:30:00.000-05:00

I've become a huge slacker when it comes to cooking. Being a spinster, I don't see the point in making huge meals every night. I make a big batch of brown rice on Sunday and eat veggie stir-fry every night unless I go out. It's easy for me to eat the same thing day after day, but obviously it gets boring. I was craving something light, but comforting so I turned to my favorite cookbook.

My ex-boyfriend's mother gave me a cookbook a few years ago called The Vegetarian 5-Ingredient Gourmet.

Even though I'm not a vegetarian, it's my favorite cookbook because the recipes require so few ingredients and don't have many steps. One of these days I'll progress to a more elaborate cookbook, but I doubt anytime soon. I've had my eye on the recipe for Peanut Butter Noodles for a while now and finally whipped it up this week.

Peanut Butter Noodles
adapted from The Vegetarian 5-Ingredient Gourmet.

Ingredients
8oz pasta (I used whole wheat linguini)
1/2 cup creamy peanut butter
1tbs honey
2 tablespoons teriyaki sauce
1/4 tsp ground fresh ginger
*I added chicken and frozen stir fry vegetables to make a complete meal.

Instructions:
1. Cook the pasta according to package directions, drain and return to pot.
2. While pasta is cooking, brown chicken and vegetables in a sauce pan until chicken is browned and vegetables are cooked through.
2. Combine peanut butter, honey, teriyaki sauce and ginger with 1/2 cup warm water in a small mixing bowl and whisk together until smooth.
3. Add chicken, vegetables, and peanut sauce to pasta and stir until combined.
4. Serve and enjoy!

The noodles came out warm, thick and creamy. Adding the chicken and vegetables was a good idea because I know I wouldn't have been full off the noodles alone.

To recap: I made dinner using more than the microwave!

*Don't forget to email your address to me at melissanibbles@gmail.com if you want to take part in blogger pen pals!

Addict

2012-01-17T08:30:00.000-05:00

I don't like to write about exercise, but a few people have emailed asking what I'm doing for exercise these days now that I've gained weight back. To be honest, not much.

I'm a firm believer in the saying, "bodies are made in the kitchen". You can work out as much as you want, but if you aren't eating right, it won't matter. Personally, anytime I've wanted to lose weight, it's been about changing my eating habits, not my exercise habits.

I used to kill myself with exercise. I was constantly in pain. I wore compression socks 24/7 and it was even so bad that I had to bring a foam roller on vacations to get over walking around for a day. It was horrible. Over-exercising had such a negative effect on my life and it's hard for me to talk about. It ruined vacations because I was too sore to do anything fun and all I could think about was when I could get a workout in. I wasn't fun to be around and it obviously had an affect on the other person enjoying their vacation as well.

It took a long time to get over my extreme exercise habits. Even when I was trying to gain weight, I was still exercising like a fiend. I was an addict! I don't know what made it suddenly click, but one day I was putting in an exercise dvd and I just sat down and watched it. It was early, I was tired and I had just had it. I put my head in my hands and cried. I had just moved into my current apartment and my emotions from moving so many times, the realization that my relationship with my ex was actually, finally, really over and that my exercise and food habits had a huge part in the breakup just hit me all at once. I finally cried over everything I had gone through, then threw the dvd in the trash. I was done. I had conquered the food part of it and that morning I conquered the exercise part. I just stopped. I didn't work out for two months. I didn't gain weight and I didn't lose muscle tone. I stayed the exact same. In that time, my body recovered and I FINALLY wasn't sore all the time.

It was mid-summer at that point and I wanted to get out and meet people. I joined an online hiking group and started hiking once a week. For a while my once a week hikes were my only exercise. It's not hiking season anymore and I've been slowly increasing my workout sessions. I go for a long walk two mornings a week and do yoga or a Core Fusion dvd two other mornings. I don't work out consecutive days because I'm afraid of feeling like I'm in a routine again. I'm not ready for that at this point.

My pants were getting really tight last month from too much pizza and alcohol with friends so I stopped eating pizza and drinking alcohol for a few weeks and ate more vegetables. My pants went back to feeling comfortable. I don't believe any of these crazy, insane workouts really make that huge of a difference. Not for me anyway. I don't want the perfect body, I don't want to look like a bikini model. My goal is to be able to walk around the city on a Saturday afternoon without having to stop because my legs are sore from working out like an idiot all week. It's fine if others get into high impact workouts and I know a lot of people really enjoy tough workouts. They're just not for me and I don't think they're necessary for weight maintenance or good health. To each they're own.

To recap: I'm a recovered exercise addict. They should have a rehab for these things because there are days I could use a meeting.

Why Don't We...Be Pen Pals!

2012-01-16T17:52:00.001-05:00

Today on Twitter, I butted it on a conversation between Liv and Jess about how no one sends letters or cards in the mail anymore. I'm part of a group of girls on Jezebel that sends postcards to each other so I suggested doing a blogger greetingcard/letter writing/postcard thing between bloggers and readers. They were game and I'm hoping a bunch of you guys will be too!

If you want to receive kitschy greeting cards, love letters, postcards, anthrax, etc...from a fellow blogger or blog reader, email me at melissanibbles@gmail.com We can do this once a month, once a week, everyday, the possibilities are endless. I'll match everyone with a penpal at the end of the week.

To recap: Take a break from writing letters to jailhouse hotties and write to a cool blogger instead!

It's OK!

2012-01-14T14:38:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone! I hope you're having a good weekend. I didn't get a chance to post yesterday because I was busy at work. We only worked a half-day, but I was busy the entire time and then when I got out of work I bumped into a friend when I was waiting for the train home and we ended up getting coffee and hanging out for the afternoon (more on that Monday). So here is this week's It's OK!

It’s ~~Friday~~ Saturday and we know what that means….It’s time for It’s OK! I don’t read Glamour because I’m too busy living it, but I do like their “It’s OK…”feature where they assure us that our weird little habits are completely normal. I’m dedicating this post to assuring you it’s okay to do the following this weekend:

To buy razors from the Dollar Store to shave your legs with. If you want dull razors that leave you with stubble and razorburn that is.
To think the cupcake craze has really stepped up it's game when the clerk at Walgreens asks you if you'd like to buy their daily special and gestures to a plastic wrapped Magnolia cupcake.
To borrow your friends vacuum for a few days after yours broke because you're too cheap to just go buy a new one.
To sing the song "All by myself.....don't wanna be...all by myself..." out loud on an airplane when you have the entire row to yourself. In-flight entertainment.
To think Dr. Oz is creepy. Why is he always caressing his studio audience "helpers"?
To be thankful you're allowed to wear headphones in your cubicle at work to listen to music. If only the lady next to you blasting The Fray, Nickelback and Daughtry would do the same. It's like being trapped next to a soccermom's minivan.
To weigh yourself again after you've used the bathroom. It could just be five pounds of water weight. The scale doesn't know the difference between fat and water!
To actually hope your late date is standing you up. Then you can go eat by yourself and eat ALL THE THINGS! Especially the messy ones.
To feel smug when reading your friend's Facebook status updates from their wild Friday nights. They might've had fabulous dinners in fancy restaurants or a wild night up in the club, but only you can say you cleaned out all your toiletries and threw away your old makeup last night.
To have your biggest fear when going to the mall be running into your ex-hairdresser.
To think the only people that have the right to "just drop by" your apartment are your BFF if she's crying or a murderer.
To jam out:

You may now commence with your weekending.

Three Things Thursday

2012-01-12T08:30:00.000-05:00

Hey ya'll! I'm back in Massachusetts and back at work this morning. Detroit was a lot of fun and I really, really like the company I work for. There may be an opportunity for me to transfer to Detroit in the future and I'm seriously considering it. Not because I want to live in Detroit, but it would be good for my career and I need a change in my surroundings. I feel like if I moved away from certain people and situations in my life, I'd be happier. The last few years have been hard for me and I'm still not completely over a few things went down. If I had a fresh start, I think it would help me move on. It's something to think about at least.

Today's Thursday and that means that it's Three Things Thursday! If you're new to the blog, this is a post where I list three things that are annoying me this week. Basically, I whine about my white people problems. You get your chance in the comments.

1. Nathan Fillion. I'm so mad at you Nathan Fillion! You were the best Joey Buchanan on One Life To Live. How dare you not return before it takes it's final bow tomorrow. You need to come back and get super sexy with Dorian again. You came back a few years ago for the the 10,000th episode, why not the finale? I don't understand this Nathan. Get it together!!

2. Facebook Paparazzi. I'm friends with people on Facebook that take pictures of people they see out in public on the subway or in a restaurant that are dressed funny or they consider unattractive. They post the picture with some sort of caption making fun of the person and I find this appalling. The thing is, these are people I like, but I've lost a lot of respect for them. Don't get me started on the people who enable them by commenting and laughing or "liking" the picture. It takes all of my self control not to leave a comment asking who they think they are and what makes them so special that they would do this? People should be able to ride the train, go to a restaurant or store without having to worry that some asshole is going to take a picture of them and make fun of them on Facebook.

3. Tebow Enthusiasts. I have nothing against Tim Tebow, he seems like a nice enough guy, but a lot of his fans are insane. There are people who don't even watch football or understand the game that are now Tebow fans. I'm fascinated by the extreme ways people express religion in this country. Christianity specifically. I do blame Tebow for focusing on his religion SO MUCH (did we really need his pro-life commercial during the super bowl?). I mean, there are plenty of other football players that are Christian, they just don't feel the need to harp on it. What if Tebow were Jewish or Muslim and expressed himself the way he does? I seriously doubt people would rally around him the way they do. There are thousands of songs on the internet about how God and Tebow are changing the world with football. Really? I doubt God cares about football. Then again, who knows? Sunday is a day of rest so maybe God likes to rest and watch some football. I still think it's all very weird and a little disturbing.

To recap: Nathan Fillion and I are done professionally, I need to stop being surprised that people are jerks on the internet and Tebow fans need to relax. They're scaring me.

Stuff I've Bought That I Hate - BlowPro

2012-01-11T08:30:00.000-05:00

Welcome to another edition of Stuff I've bought That I Hate. Unfortunately, the Blow Pro Ready Set Blow hair cream that I told you about here hasn't worked out.

I've used this product about five times now and it didn't cut down on my styling time at all. In fact, it's made it longer and more difficult. The product says it adds volume and reduces frizz, but I found that yes, it added volume in that it made my hair puff out into an afro, but it DID NOT reduce frizz. It made my hair frizzier than I've ever seen it. When I finally had my hair dry, I had to attack it with my straightener in very tiny sections to get rid of all the frizz. My normal drying and straightening time went from about a half hour to over 45 minutes. I don't have that kind of time to spend on my hair and don't get me started on how bad my arms hurt afterwards. What a waste of money!

One thing I use that actually does decrease drying time is the Twisty Towel.

I think I bought this at either TJ Maxx or Target. I'm not sure which one. It was only $10 for a package of two. It's made of 100% cotton and you simply wrap it around your head like a turban after showering and it absorbs the water from your hair. I was surprised at how much water it actually absorbs. I leave it on while I put on my lady lotions, remove, then blow dry my hair.

To recap: BlowPro needs to go back and practice its skills (I hear carrots are good for that), but the Twisty Towel will suck your hair dry.

Healthy Processed And Packaged Foods

2012-01-10T08:41:00.000-05:00

Hello from Detroit! Like most everywhere else, it's unseasonably warm. I expected to step off the plane into a snow storm, but it was 50 yesterday. Not that I was outside the whole day, but I was surprised. I'm here for a company-wide new hire orientation. Once a year they gather all the new employees together to tell them how great the company is. Yesterday we learned the company history and played icebreaker games. You know, like,"Hi, I'm Melissa, my favorite color is green and I like being on top when I have sex." I really wanted to say that...especially to this guy from Maryland. Last night we had a big dinner in one of the hotel's ballrooms with an open bar and a dj. It was awesome! All the marrieds got wasted like it was their last night on earth because that's what marrieds do when they're away from their spouses for an evening. By the end of the night everyone was dancing like this:

Today we're going to the Motown Museum. I'm pretty excited for that!

On an unrelated note, eating whole, healthy foods is something I think most people try to do in their everyday lives, but things like busy schedules, ease of preparation, and seasonality of foods can make it difficult. I came across this article on the Huffington Post about healthy processed and packaged foods and thought I'd share a few with you guys.

Yogurt. Duh, I think we all know yogurt is a healthy packaged food. Unless you're eating Gogurt or some other artificial Yoplait stuff.
Canned beans. If you don't have time to soak them, canned beans are just fine. The article suggests buying low-sodium versions.
Canned salmon. I doubt many of you are spending a lot of time fishing (if you do fish, can I come? It seems relaxing) and fresh fish can be expensive in the store. Canned salmon and tuna have the same nutritional value and are easier on your wallet.
Hummus. If you don't have time to make your own, store bought hummus is cool. Personally, I wouldn't make my own hummus because I like the fun flavored ones like pizza.
Frozen edamame. Frozen edamame is great for adding to soups and casseroles for extra fiber and protein.

To recap: My coworkers and I dance like dorks and I summarized an article about things you already know. YOU'RE WELCOME.

Punch Your Clients In The Face

2012-01-09T09:00:00.000-05:00

Good morning! As you're reading this, I'm on a flight to Detroit for a work training. I'm scared of how cold it's going to be there. I'm a baby when the temperature dips below 65. I'm happy to report that my date Friday went well. I had a feeling it was going to be a good night when I found parking on Newbury St. on a Friday night. We met for sushi at Snappy Sushi and he was talkative, funny and we had a lot in common. He's a stand-up comedian and I was kind of expecting him to be obnoxious, cracking jokes all the time, but he was completely normal. A little reserved even. After dinner, we walked over to Lolita and had a drink there. We were talking about movies and I mentioned that I had seen "Young Adult" recently and he said that was something he really wanted to see. He asked if it was good enough to see twice and I said, "Oh yeah. It's depressing, but hilarious. I love it." Then he asked if I wanted to see it Sunday with him so we ended up getting dinner and seeing "Young Adult" last night. Our date last night was fun too. Maybe my luck is turning? Who knows though. He'll probably ruin it all by texting me a dick pic today.

In other news, after reading this article in the New York Times, I'm glad my company has normal business meetings and doesn't force us to take gym classes. According to the article, a new trend in the business world is taking your clients to fitness classes like boxing or spin. I like the idea of having a healthy alternative to the typical business meeting. It gives everyone a chance to fit in a workout while also networking, killing two birds with one stone. However, when I think about it realistically, by no means would I ever like a business meeting to consist of punching a client or spinning with them in an overheated room. I enjoy working out, and boxing sounds cool, but I’m not so sure I’d like potential clients to judge me based on how I look doing either activity and I'm sure they probably feel the same. Besides, how are you supposed to talk about business if there’s some aerobics instructor yelling across the room?

To recap: I had two good dates so I probably won't hear from him again. And CEO's want to turn off clients by punching them in the face.

It's OK!

2012-01-06T09:00:00.000-05:00

Happy Friday! This week flew by. I've been very busy at work, plus it was a short week. I'm glad it's the weekend. I have a date tonight, but I'm not excited about it in the least. He's the one remaining guy left over from online dating. We started emailing before I took my profile down and are finally meeting tonight. He seems cool, but they all do at first. I wish I could get excited about it, but I'd rather just stay home. I wasn't even going to straighten my hair this morning, but I figure he's probably going to look his best so I should do the same. I'm going to Detroit Monday-Wednesday for work so the rest of my weekend will be spent packing (and watching Breaking Bad. Is it weird that I have a crush on Jesse Pinkman?).

It’s Friday and we know what that means….It’s time for It’s OK! I don’t read Glamour because I’m too busy living it, but I do like their “It’s OK…”feature where they assure us that our weird little habits are completely normal. I’m dedicating this post to assuring you it’s okay to do the following this weekend:

To not have weight loss "challenges" on your blog. If you want to lose weight, just do it. No need to drag the rest of us in it. We're not gladiators.
To not be that excited about Trader Joes coming to Foxboro, MA. You aren't battling that kind of traffic for peanut butter filled pretzels. I mean, they sell them at CVS.
To think you speak for everyone when you say that the word moist should cease to exist.
To be thankful for three-legged dogs. They're triumph over adversity always lifts your spirits.
To wonder why afternoon showers make you feel cleaner than morning showers. Who knew work felt so filthy?
To not understand Abercrombie & Fitch. Mall – Store – Guy with no shirt on – What the hell? What is this place?
To not understand how Paris Hilton is worth over a billion dollars. Who are these people buying her eau de herpe?
To be worried about how you're going to clean your tub when your 60. You're 32 now and it hurts every cell in your body when you do it.
To please look like the picture on your blog. Come on, that was four years ago and we all know it!
To be ashamed you still like that shitty band you liked in college. Yup, this song is still on your ipod. You're terrible.

Have a good weekend!

Three Things Thursday

2012-01-05T08:30:00.000-05:00

Last night I got all adult and spent the evening doing laundry and organizing my super-confidential important adult documents. I've always known that you're supposed to keep your bills, receipts, tax info, etc... in a special drawer or something (I'm an auditor for christ's sakes!), but I just don't do it. I kind of throw things in a pile on my bookshelf. It was an eyesore and I'd been putting off organizing it for long enough. I went to Ocean State Job Lot and bought a plastic bin thing with hanging file folders in it and organized everything by year and in separate sections for taxes, car loan, student loans, receipts, etc... I feel much better knowing it's all in one spot and easily accessible. I'm so responsible and adulty.

Today's Thursday and that means that it's Three Things Thursday! If you're new to the blog, this is a post where I list three things that are annoying me this week. Basically, I whine about my white people problems. You get your chance in the comments.

1. Online Book Clubs. I don't understand the point. Isn't the point of a book club to get out of the house, hang out with people, drink wine, eat cheese and drunkenly talk about the book for five seconds then spend the rest of the time gossiping? How do you do this in an online book club? I sit behind a computer all day at work. The last thing I want to do is go home, sit at my computer alone and talk about books. And how does the discussion ever really get going online? I like reading book reviews, but I just don't get the appeal of an online book club. Is it just for the blogger to get pageviews? If you're in an online book club, please explain the appeal to me.

2. Men Can Eat Whatever They Want! It annoys the hell out of me when women say this. Yes, men can eat more than women. They are men and have different hormones and caloric needs. They also probably haven't screwed up their metabolisms with years of yo-yo diets or restricted everything under the sun under the guise of losing weight. Yes, there's more pressure on women to be thin, but constantly bitching about how unfair it is that they can eat more is ridiculous to me. I wish women would get half as worked up over the fact that the man in the cubicle next door to them with the same job is probably making more money.

3. Dude I Went Out With That Annoys Me On Facebook. Remember the guy I went out with a few weeks ago that ghosted out on me? He ended up emailing me apologizing saying that he just isn't ready to date, still really likes me though, blah blah blah.... I wrote back saying it was fine and yes, we could still be friends. Well, we were already "friends" on Facebook and since that email he's all over my Facebook. He likes and comments on almost everything I post. It annoys me so much and I don't know why! I like when other people comment, but he does it on every, single, thing. It's weird to me because he doesn't know me that well you know? I changed my profile picture and he sent me a private message telling me he liked it. Okay...thanks? I would just defriend him, but I'm trying to be less of a bitch and I feel like that's a bitchy move. I'm ignoring him and hoping he goes away.

To recap: I put some bills in a folder and think I'm hot shit for it, online book clubbers need to get social, shut up about your man's weight, and Facebook dude needs to get off my jock biTTTCCH!

Stuff I've Bought That I Hate - Truvia

2012-01-04T08:30:00.000-05:00

Good morning! In today's edition of Stuff I've Bought That I Hate, I'm hating on Truvia.

source

Truvia is a zero-calorie sweetener derived from the stevia plant. I know this is a natural sweetener, but in my experience, it's been just as harmful as artificial sweeteners. I started using Truvia in my coffee and to sweeten my oatmeal about a year ago. I used it sparingly, but in July when I FINALLY gave up using sugar in my coffee, I used about 3-5 packets a day.

About a month after I started using Truvia in my daily coffee, I noticed that I was going to the bathroom a lot more and having pretty bad cramps when I would have to go. I also noticed that I had gained weight, but I assumed it was from eating out too often. A few more months went by and no matter what changes I made to my diet, I was still experiencing abdominal pain, crapping my brains out and my stomach was still constantly bloated. I told my doctor about it and we went through everything in my diet. I eat pretty healthy and we couldn't pinpoint what I had changed that was making me feel so bad. He asked if I used artificial sweeteners and I said no, that I used Truvia. He said that even though it's natural, it's still considered an artificial sweetener because of other ingredients like erythritol (provides bulking) and because the FDA hasn't approved all of stevia. I stopped using Truvia that day cold turkey. After a few days, the cramping disappeared and I stopped going to the bathroom three times a day. After about a month, I noticed that the bloating in my lower belly had completely disappeared. I know it's from giving up Truvia because that's the only thing I've changed in my diet and I haven't altered my exercise routine in any way.

I know this is only my personal experience with Truvia, but it's turned me off from using any kind of artificial sweetener, even if it's labeled as "natural". I would rather have the calories from a teaspoon of sugar in my coffee than feel like crap all the time.

To recap: Truvia might give you the shits and make you blow up like a whale. Consume at your own risk!

Best Moment?

2012-01-03T08:00:00.000-05:00

The Huffington Post released their 50 Best Moments For Women in 2011. The best moments include the Affordable Care Act which will make insurance companies cover birth control, the British monarchy dropping the law of primogeniture (ladies can run things!), and the number of females starting companies doubling. One "moment" that I didn't quite understand was the birth of Tina Fey's daughter.

The birth of Penelope Athena Fey clocks in at #14 on the list. “First came Alice. Then, Bossypants, the best memoir of the year, then on August 10, Tina Fey one-ups herself by bringing a second daughter into a world she’s made better for everybody’s daughters.” What is the HuffPo even talking about here?

I love Tina Fey, but I don't understand why her giving birth to a second child is something we need to celebrate and be in awe of. Wouldn't her book being a best seller be a bigger moment for women? What about the fact that the episode of SNL she hosted was one of the seasons largest rated episodes? The HuffPo has reduced her to nothing more than a baby factory. You don't see men being celebrated for having children on their best moments list.

I'm sure having a child was a big moment for Fey, but I don't think it was a moment for women everywhere across America. I hope we can get to a point where women can be celebrated for their professional achievements without having to point out that they did it all with a baby on their hip.

To recap: The Huffington Post won't recognize women's achievements unless it's topped of with a spanking, new baby.

2012 The Year Of Being A MF Adult

2012-01-02T07:47:00.001-05:00

Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a great New Year. I'm actually pretty excited to be back at work. Our office was closed for over a week and I had started losing my mind out of boredom. I don't know how people stay at home all day. I would go crazy without human interaction or feeling like I was contributing to society in some way. If you have kids, that's a totally different story. I could never be a stay at home mom. They work 24/7. So yeah, very happy to be back at work. I wore a new dress and I have a new cubicle so things are pretty exciting right now. Oh and I passed that certification test I had to take. Like a boss.

I didn't make any New Years resolutions because I think they're stupid. If you want to do something, do it now. Besides, my resolution last year was to bone more dudes and save money and I did neither. The only thing I really want to do with myself is try to reel in the going out and start acting more responsible. I spent most of last year moving, dating, going out and making new friends. That's great and all, but I spent a lot of money between moving twice and going out with friends doing stupid things. I saved zero dollars last year and I have nothing to show for it. At 32 years old, this just isn't acceptable behavior. I wanted to go to London in the spring, but that's a joke. My savings account balance is far away from that. I also have a pretty high credit card balance from all the moving that I've made zero progress of getting down. I'm going to buckle down, keep my ass at home, stop spending money on Whole Foods lunches and dinners out in Boston and pay my credit card off. My new hobby is cleaning. It's something I actually enjoy now (WHAT?!) so at least my apartment looks like an adult lives in it, but I'd like to save for more adult-like furniture. My used couch is an eye-sore. Oh and my car needs an oil change and maintenance bad. The poor thing. This is why I don't have children.

As far as dating goes, my Match profile is going to expire in a few days and I'm going to take it down. Online dating has worked out for me in the past, but this time has been a nightmare. I'm open to meeting someone, but I'm putting too much effort into it and not focusing enough on myself. Being in a relationship shouldn't be this important to me and I don't like that it is. Going on vacation by myself over Christmas helped me realize that I'm fine with being alone and that I really don't need to be with someone to get out there and do the things that I want to do. It would be nice to share these things with someone, but I don't need to wait to meet someone to go out and experience the world. I also made the mistake of jumping right back into the dating world after my ex and I broke up. I should've given myself more time to get over it and figure out what I really wanted before I started dating again. I can't change it now and I'm ready to date, but I probably would've made better dating choices if I had waited.

So yeah, 2012 is the year of focusing on myself and acting like a MF adult. Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do.

To recap: I'm going to grow up in 2012.

It's OK!

2011-12-30T08:00:00.000-05:00

Happy Friday! Well, everyday has been Friday for me, but I'm actually looking forward to this weekend and the holidays being over. I'm ready to get back to my regular routine. I like being out of the house and at work. I feel very unproductive. Yesterday I went to Ulta in search of mascara, but ended up picking something else up instead.

Blow Pro Ready Set Blow. I'm not going to lie, I bought it for the name alone. It was made for me! Well, that and it's supposed to cut your hair blowdrying time in half. I'm hoping it doesn't end up on my Stuff I've Bought That I Hate list.

It’s Friday and we know what that means….It’s time for It’s OK! I don’t read Glamour because I’m too busy living it, but I do like their “It’s OK…”feature where they assure us that our weird little habits are completely normal. I’m dedicating this post to assuring you it’s okay to do the following this weekend:

To stomp around your apartment and slam all the doors for fifteen minutes straight. You want your neighbors to think you're in a torrid love affair.
To think that most of the people you know whose resolutions are to "be more active!" in the New Year will die of an exercise overdose if they get anymore active.
To never, ever fix the autocorrect on your phone. But not be able to understand where it got "breastie" for "bestie". It's cool though. Sue you're my breastie 4Lyfe!
To wonder why People magazine feels the need to include the word "alive" in their "Sexiest Man Alive" phrase. Is there a "Sexiest Man Dead" issue coming out? My votes for Mark Twain!
To realize you would be screwed if you were in an accident without your cell phone because if you had to make a call you wouldn't know anyone's phone number. Learn your speeddials!
To have trouble remembering if your parents are still together. You have the eating habits of a child of divorce so you weren't sure for a second there...
To listen to this song and just try to be in a bad mood:

To recap: If you name your product a sexually suggestive name, I will buy it.

Have a good weekend and a Happy New Year!

Three Things Thursday

2011-12-29T08:30:00.000-05:00

Sorry to disappoint you guys, but my date last night went well. No funny horror stories to tell you today. He was talkative, funny, and I could tell he was a little nervous which was endearing. Even if things don't go any further, I'm happy to have finally had a good date.

Today's Thursday and that means that it's Three Things Thursday! If you're new to the blog, this is a post where I list three things that are annoying me this week. Basically, I whine about my white people problems. You get your chance in the comments.

1. Negativity. There are a handful of people in my life that are 24/7 downers and I can't take it anymore. They're never happy and always bitching about something or someone. After spending time with them I feel more exhausted than if I ran a marathon. We all have our days, but some people don't have days, they're just never happy. It's hard because a lot of these people are family members, but I really need to find a way to keep them in my life without having to spend more than an hour every few months with them. Seriously, that's all I can manage at this point. I've decided not to let other people drag me down anymore. I mean, take a fucking Zoloft and move on with your life. Christ!

2. Travel Bowels. I can't poop when I travel. I went to Maine for four days and couldn't poop the entire time I was there. I was so freakin' backed up! Then when I got home I couldn't stop! I know I'm not the only one who gets like this. Why does this happen? Why can't I poop on vacation?! I think a vacation poop would be glorious.

3. Just Embrace It. It was brought to my attention by a friend yesterday that I need to stop railing against hipsters because I am one. It's true and I've been denying it too long. I met two of my friends for lunch yesterday and they laughed at me when they met me at the place I suggested because I said, "It's hipster shit but they have good food." and then I went on a tangent about how pissed I am that everyone loves Robyn now when I've been loving her for YEARS and how the song everyone likes isn't even that good blah, blah, blah. Yeah...total hipster talk. My friend said I was the biggest hipster they know from the way I dress, guys I date and music I like. You guys, it's true! I'm a hipster. I own it. So sorry so hipster.

To recap: Negative people are negative, my shit don't travel well and I'm a hipster, hear me roar!

Holiday Break & Stuff I've Bought That I Hate

2011-12-28T07:59:00.000-05:00

Hi friends! I hope you had a nice holiday. My work closed last Thursday until after the New Year so I'm on holiday break. Yay! I didn't have any big plans for the holiday so I decided to journey by myself up to my favorite city in all the land, Portland, ME. I stayed in a cheap hotel and went to an art museum, explored the surrounding towns I hadn't been to yet, did a little hiking (it was cold!), read two books in a cute coffee shop, and ate at the same bar every night because they had really cool live music. It was fun and relaxing.

Now on to more important matters. I'm writing today to inform you of more stuff I've bought that I hate. My most recent deplorable purchase was Almay Intense I-Color Mascara.

This product promises to "intensify your very unique eyecolor and instantly double the look of your lashes." Well, it did neither. I don't know why I fall for these eye color enhancing makeup things, but I do. Plus, I had a coupon and it was on sale. I like the idea of having eyes that just "pop" and standout. I actually wasn't expecting the mascara to do much by way of making my eye color stand out, but I was expecting it to thicken and lengthen my lashes like mascara is supposed to do. I used FIVE coats of this stuff and couldn't even tell I had it on. It didn't seperate my lashes either. It sort of looked like I took water and swept it across my lashes. What a disappointment! I'm going to back to my old faithful LashBlast from Cover Girl. You might want to go on sale LashBlast, I'm waiting!

For the rest of my vacation I'll be reading more books, buying this cute yellow coat I've had my eye on and watching all the shows I've been dying to watch. Yesterday I watched the entire first season of Homeland. Holy crap! What a good show! I'm going to start Breaking Bad today. I have no life. Oh! I have a date tonight so there's that. Yay!

To recap: Solo vacations are the best vacations and if you like water on your lashes, buy this shitty mascara.

Stuff I've Bought That I Hate

2011-12-20T09:11:00.004-05:00

It probably doesn't come as a surprise that I'm a huge fan of Mindy Kaling. I read her book, "Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me" in two days. I'm also a big fan of her website, Stuff I've Bought That I Love. Well, now she calls it The Concerns Of Mindy Kaling, but it'll always be Stuff I've Bought That I Love to me. The site is exactly what you would think it is, stuff she bought that she loves. Well, rather than rip her off entirely, I decided to add a new feature to my site, Stuff I've Bought That I Hate. I could tell you things that I like, but wouldn't you rather know what not waste your money on?

I recently purchased Aveeno Smart Essentials Anti-Fatigue Eye Treatment Roller

This product is supposed to "Infuses your delicate under-eye skin with antioxidant Southernwood extract and vitamins A, C & E in a formula to combat dark circles". I had seen ads in magazines and on tv for these new eye roller doohickeys and I've always been a fan of Aveeno's products so when it was on sale, I decided to try it out. I've been using this product for almost two months and let me just say, it's a pain in the ass. The eye serum is thick and looks like semen. It's so thick that you have to shake the tube to get it to loosen up a little bit. You're supposed to roll the roller under your eye to apply the product, but because of the thickness, the ball just rolls around under your eye and nothing comes out. It took me a while to realize this because I'm an idiot with lady products so I was just rolling the ball under my eye for a week until I realized nothing was coming out. The only way I can get the product to come out is if I bash it against the side of the sink for a good ten seconds, roll it on the back of my hand until the product comes out and then try to roll it under my eye. So unnecessary. Even then sometimes nothing will come out. I like the idea of an easy application with a roller, but that doesn't happen with this. As far as effectiveness, meh. I don't see any difference in my under eye area. I still look like a zombie.

To recap: Don't waste your money on Aveeno Eye Semen Roller. It's bollocks.
.

Another Day, Another Bad Date

2011-12-19T09:00:00.000-05:00

Hi friends! How was your weekend? Mine was...okay. I was dealing with my fibromyalgia pain all weekend, but I forced myself to get out of the house. I figured it would help get my mind off the pain. Saturday, I wasn't in the mood to make myself presentable so I figured I would just take myself to the movies. No one cares what you look like when you're alone in a dark movie theater. I saw "Young Adult" and it was VERY good. I saw a lot of myself in the main character of Mavis. Well, not a lot, but a few things like being selfish and a habit of saying things without regard for people's feelings. Unlike Mavis, I'm trying to work on those things. Anyway, Patton Oswalt as the physically damaged Matt stole the show. He's someone who's actually gone through hardships in his life and, like Mavis's character, is still trapped in the past, but for different reasons. I won't spoil the movie for you. Just go see it!

Sunday I accepted a coffee date with this guy that started emailing me on Friday.We had similar tastes in music, movies and we're both active in volunteering. He asked me to meet for coffee on Sunday and I figured it'd be good to get out of the house and accepted. I arrived first and waited for him by the doors. When he arrived, he came in waving his arms like a maniac, hugged me and practically yelled, "So nice to meet you!" Whoa. Let's just say he was very flamboyant. Without offering to buy me coffee, he just goes and sits down. I thought this was weird so I asked, "Did you want to get coffee or...?" He shrugged and said no. I felt rude just sitting in a coffee shop without buying anything, but whatever. He started talking about how this was his first date in 6 years (WHAT?!) and how nervous he was. This went on for about ten minutes. When he finally stopped I asked him about the cottage he just bought. He yelled, "OH MY GOD!" I thought his house blew up or something the way he said it, but no. He was all worked up because he didn't realize that there was a pub nearby his new house that offers live music on Saturday and it's SO loud and it kept him up ALL Saturday night. He said he liked to go to bed at 9 and couldn't sleep through all the noise. I asked why he bought a house so close to a bar and he totally ignored me and started talking about how he has trouble sleeping, blah, blah, blah...This went on for a good ten minutes or so then he started talking about his dog, then about how he wants to build a dock, but he doesn't know how to build anything and how hard it is to get building permits. I sat there listening to this guy for an hour jump from subject to subject barely taking a breath of air. The entire time we were there, he didn't ask me a single thing about myself or let me take part in the conversation. Luckily, I had lied and said I had to be somewhere at 2 (what? don't pretend like you don't plan an easy getaway just in case). At about ten of 2, I interrupted and said that I was sorry, but I really needed to get to my friend's house. He thanked me for meeting up with him, then said he was going to get a coffee and hang out for a while. Now the guy wants a coffee! Weird right? I don't know you guys. I need to find a new way to meet people because even though online dating has worked out for me in the past, it's a freak show this time around. Help me!

To recap: "Young Adult" is an awesome movie that I'm sad to say I related to and I'm keeping the streak of dating toolboxes alive..

It's OK!

2011-12-16T09:00:00.000-05:00

Hello friends! It's Friday! We have our work holiday party tonight and I'm pretty excited. Free boozey booze! It's been a slow week as far as internet dating. No dates this weekend. Awwww....there isn't a new man in the horizon, but it doesn't mean the emails haven't been rolling in on my fine ass. This weeks highlights:

"You dont seem like a bitter shrew so you have that going for you. Wanna chat?"
What woman wouldn't want to chat with a man who refers to women as shrews?!

"Why is a pretty lady such as yourself single?"
Yikes. Don't you just cringe reading that? I mean, it's pretty much known worldwide as the sleaziest, cheesiest, laziest pickup line right? I can't help but picture Leisure Suit Larry when reading that. Terrible.

"Im attracted to you on a physical level. This is a must have.Where it goes after that is to be determined by many aspects"
Um....then from the same email "I hope to hear back from you, but if I don't hear from you within 24 hours I will no longer be interested."
His love has time limits. It would've been awesome if he wrote, "This message will self-destruct in 24 hours." Inspector Gadget style, but there's no way this guy is as cool as Inspector Gadget.

It’s Friday and we know what that means….It’s time for It’s OK! I don’t read Glamour because I’m too busy living it, but I do like their “It’s OK…”feature where they assure us that our weird little habits are completely normal. I’m dedicating this post to assuring you it’s okay to do the following this weekend:

To cry when you realize all the condoms under your sink are expired. Cry harder when you realize you never had a reason to even open the box.
To be looking forward to the office holiday party tonight. Office party drunk is a special kind of drunk seen only once a year.
To stop wearing Bath & Body Works crap if you're over the age of 22. You have a job, wear something that smells better than "Middle School Girls Locker".
To get a rush when you're walking behind someone for a mile from the train. It was so fun to feel like a creepy stalker
To take a Facebook hiatus after a slow week at work led you to post a little too much. Well, after you post this thing about 2011's cutest kittens on the internet. Cute kittens! You have to post that!
To nag Netflix on Twitter every other day to get Anne Of Green Gables in their watch instant lineup. If they were true professionals, you wouldn't even need to ask.
To think about this whole Twitter and Facebook thing and take Louis C.K's advice:

Have a good weekend!

Three Things Thursday

2011-12-15T09:00:00.000-05:00

Well, yesterday was weird. I was on my lunch break yesterday in Starbucks and there was this girl sitting at the table next to me balling her eyes out. I asked her if she was okay, if she needed me to call someone. She asked to use my phone to call her mother and I said yes, of course. She calls her mom and I can hear her mother SCREAMING into the phone asking her where she is and some other things I couldn't make out. The girl explains that she's on someone else's phone, then hands it to me. The girls mother starts screaming at me asking me where I took her daughter, to bring her home...it was all very weird. I explained I found her daughter in Starbucks crying, then she asked my name. I gave her my name and she yelled, "IM GOOGLING YOU! I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!" I told her okay, well, if it's a girl that was on The Real World, that's not me (that's who comes up if you Google my full name). The mother just kept yelling to bring her daughter home so I hung up on her. I asked the girl if she was running away and she said no, that she doesn't live with her mom. I had to get back to work so I asked her if there was anything I could do and she yells at me, "NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!" What the hell? I went back to work, but I need to find a way to work "IM GOOGLING YOU!" into my daily vocabulary.

Today's Thursday and that means that it's Three Things Thursday! If you're new to the blog, this is a post where I list three things that are annoying me this week. Basically, I whine about my white people problems. You get your chance in the comments.

1. Fibromyalgia. My fibromyalgia hasn't been bothering me too much until this week. I don't know what's going on, but my joints have been on fire since Saturday night. I don't know what I did to aggravate it, but I've been in a lot of pain this week and am ready to blow my brains out. I'm hoping if I lay low this weekend, the pain will subside, but sometimes laying around makes it worse. I never know and that's the hardest part. I'll get through it though.

2. Certifiably Bored. I have to take a certification test next week at work and have spent this week studying and taking practice tests to prepare. It's so boring! I feel confident with the material and wish I could just take the test now to get it over with. I spend the entire day sitting in my cubicle taking online practice tests. I have a certain number I have to take each day and then I just sit here staring at my cubicle wall. Thank God for the internet and gossipy email chains.

3. It's My Body, I'll Bitch If I Want To. The other night I met up with my friend after work for to catch up. I was complaining about my clothes getting tight and being unhappy with my belly flab. I don't want to lose weight, but I want to tighten up. I'm not comfortable with my weight right now and it sucks. Well, I told her this and she told me to shut up, she weighs more than me, blah blah blah. That pissed me off because I listen to her bitch all the time and I'm supportive. Not just about her weight, but anything in her life. I got pissed and asked her what weight would I have to be at to be able to complain about it? More than her? Is there a certain number where we're allowed to complain? It doesn't matter what you weigh, you can still have insecurities. I think friends should support each other not discount their feelings because they're not in your own situation.

To recap: My body hurts, I'm bored, chubby and cranky. Let me whine if I want, I'll Google you!

Are Jessica Simpson And Weight Watchers Making New Moms Feel Bad?

2011-12-14T10:20:00.004-05:00

I came across this article on Blisstree yesterday about Jessica Simpson's new 3 Million dollar deal with Weight Watchers to go on WW after she gives birth to lose her baby weight.

Blisstree is upset with Simpson and WW saying that, "they’ll be mainstreaming the dangerous idea that immediate post-birth weight loss is healthy" and only promoting bad body images perpetuated by tabloids. I disagree. How does the author of this article know that WW will make "new moms feel bad about their bodies, and be pressuring them to tackle weight loss too soon". Jessica Simpson hasn't had her baby yet so we haven't seen any ads from WW featuring Simpson. I've never seen ad from WW shaming women. I've always found their ads to be tasteful. Their most recent campaign with Queen Latifah focused on her reaching a "size healthy". I think the writer of this article is really reaching here. Also, what woman doesn't want to lose weight after pregnancy? WW promotes balanced, healthy choices for life. It's not a starvation diet. Personally, I think this could be a great ad campaign. Simpson has a lot of fans that could be trying to lose weight. If they follow her lead and go with WW, they'll avoid starvation and yo-yo diets. I'm not a fan of Simpson, but I'm not going to begrudge her a paycheck. People talk enough about her weight. Let her make money off it.

To recap: That article was stupid and an obvious ploy for pageviews.

Texting Out Sick

2011-12-13T08:00:00.000-05:00

I was supposed to have a date last Friday with that teacher guy I told you about here. Unfortunately, it didn't happen. He texted me Friday afternoon saying that he wasn't feeling well and wouldn't be able to keep the date. I was disappointed because I had been looking forward to it, but texted back not to worry about it and that I hoped he felt better. I haven't heard from him since and he took his dating profile off the site. I'm okay with him ghosting out because I know I didn't do anything wrong. He hasn't spent enough time with me for me to have made such a bad impression that I sent him running from his computer. I'm assuming he has some personal stuff going on and needs to get his head right, or is freaking out about dating, or even got back with an ex. At least he had the courtesy to text and didn't stand me up.

It might sound like I'm making excuses for the guy, but I'm not. It was kind of a douchey move, but if someone doesn't want to go out on a date, I can't do anything to change their mind. This isn't the first time someone's done this to me and it won't be the last. Hell, I've done it. I've even stood people up. I'm not sure if that counts though because that ended up turning into a long-term relationship. It doesn't count. I just decided! So what do you do when a guy/girl ghosts out on you? Nothing. Yes, you do nothing! I know you want to email them the next day to ask them if they're feeling better. That's so nice! You're such a sweetie, they'll realize this and ask you to bring them chicken soup! Nope. Don't wait three days and email either. DO NOTHING. If they email a few days later saying they're feeling better. Proceed with caution. I probably wouldn't even answer, but that's because I'm emotionless and can write people off like it's nothing. You're not me though. You probably have feelings and teddy bears so do what you want. The odds are they won't email you so, really don't worry about it. Start searching for more eligible suitors.

To recap: Teacher man blew me off because he was sick. I don't care, he had a weird tooth thing going on anyway. Screw him and his jacked up teeth. I don't need anyone! I'll be over here listening to Adele...ROLLING IN THE DEEEEEP!!!!!

Supervising Women

2011-12-12T13:25:00.000-05:00

There are problems in the workplace ladies and you are one of them. Stop it with your sensitivity and asking for vacation days. Oh hell, just stay home. You're revolting.

Book Report: Health Food Junkies

2011-12-12T07:32:00.000-05:00

I recently finished the book, Health Food Junkies by Dr. Steven Bratman. Dr. Bratman is a conventionally trained M.D. and an alternative medicine practitioner who spent many years adhering to and prescribing to his patients idealistic, healing diets such as macrobiotics and raw foods theory.

Before writing this book, Dr. Bratman struggled with his own battle of being fixated on eating healthy food. In his past, Dr. Bratman tried many different diet regimens like raw food, macrobiotics, and others. In each, he followed their principles until his life was totally controlled by food. His obsession is well described when he tells the story of having to leave a party because he was dying to get home to eat an avocado at it's perfect moment of ripening. This served as an awakening and made him reevaluate his relationship with food and want to help others who might be struggling with a healthy eating obsession.

He doesn't think anything is wrong with healthy eating, but thinks it's a problem when it becomes an obsession. Dr. Bratman describes orthorexics as people who focus not on quantity but quality of food; they believe that major and minor health ailments can be controlled through diet and take extreme measures to eat well and avoid "dangerous" foods. Bratman includes a section of 10 questions to tell if you or someone you know is orthorexic and a very critical look at what he calls "healing diets": food allergies, raw food, macrobiotics, the zone, candida, and eat right for your type.Some poeple might have a problem with this section, because of how critical he is towards some food choices (food allergies, raw food & candida) but all the same it has to be said and known about. Most importantly, Bratman gives great advice on what steps you can take to identify hidden agendas, how you can help yourself and how to find a middle ground if you're suffering or think you're close to suffering from orthorexia.

I really enjoyed this book because I think this is something that should be taken more seriously in our society. Is everyone who follows a healthy diet or a special diet because of a food allergy an orthorexic? No. Are there people who avoid social situations or bring their own food to parties because they don't want to eat what's being served because the menu doesn't fit their strict food rules? Yes. Are their people who feel superior because they order salad while other people order pizza? Yes. I see these people all the time and I feel sad for them. Books like this bring the issue out into the open, get us talking and possibly motivate some people to get help.

To recap: Orthorexia is a real thing and it sucks. If you think you might be orthorexic, read this book. It could help you.

It's OK!

2011-12-09T08:12:00.000-05:00

Happy Friday! Yesterday was my 32nd birthday. It's a rule that you have to have cake on your birthday so on the way home from work, I stopped at The Cheesecake Factory and picked up a slice of cookie dough cheesecake to go.

I ate it after dinner and OH.MY.GOD. Heaven. Pure slice of heaven. Can we talk about the fact that I'm 32 for a second? I feel more anxiety about turning 32 than I did when I turned 30. The fact that I'm an adult (like a real life adult that does adult things like clean her apartment, pay bills ON TIME!, gets her clothes tailored, listens to NPR and classical music in the car SERIOUSLY?!) has smacked me in the face. I'm in the thick of it. I'm almost to the age where they'll stop saying, "Melissa? She isn't married" and start saying, "Oh Melissa? She never married." I was thinking of doing a 33X33 list of things I want to do by the time I'm 33, but I can't think of 13 things I want to do this next year nevermind 33. SORRY I DON'T HAVE AS MANY FANCY GOALS AS YOU! Whatever, it's cool. I'm 32. I can pat myself on the back for another year of existing.

It’s Friday and we know what that means….It’s time for It’s OK! I don’t read Glamour because I’m too busy living it, but I do like their “It’s OK…”feature where they assure us that our weird little habits are completely normal. I’m dedicating this post to assuring you it’s okay to do the following this weekend:

To make fun of the movie New Years Eve. It's a terrible, terrible movie and making fun of it makes you feel better about the fact that you'll probably be sitting home alone on New Years Eve eating ice cream and watching a pirated version of it on the internet.
To be thankful for space heaters. It's nice to know that you can feel such and warmth and love from an inanimate object.
To respond, "Sure, that sounds good, but I bet she'd prefer a car." when your co-worker asks you if he should buy diamond earrings for his daughters 16th birthday. What? It's not weird. He's buying her diamond earrings so...
To have your dream date be watching "Parenthood" with Ryan Gosling. Hey girl, this show is funny AND emotional. Just like the baby goose.
To text someone "call me" if you're not the least bit interested in dating them. This is an easy way to make sure you never hear from them again.
To be thankful for your new watch. It's pretty and gives you one less reason to always be checking your phone.
To but the new Black Keys album. It's awesome!

To recap: Cheesecake makes aging little less depressing. Have a good weekend!

Three Things Thursday

2011-12-08T09:00:00.000-05:00

Hello! I forgot to tell you how my lunch date went the other day. It went great! Yay! We met for sushi and he scored major points by helping me with my coat (men, help a lady with her coat. No one does this anymore so if you do, well, let's just say your lady will get all warm inside). I got to know him a little better than on our last date and I might have a crush (maybe). He teaches history to juvenile delinquents (his words not mine), he just got out of the army two years ago and is kind of fucked up from it (his words not mine), we both love The National and we hate all the same things! We're going to go out again tomorrow night and I'm actually looking forward to it. This is progress.

Today's Thursday and that means that it's Three Things Thursday! If you're new to the blog, this is a post where I list three things that are annoying me this week. Basically, I whine about my white people problems. You get your chance in the comments.

1. Latisse. If "not having enough lashes" is a serious concern for you and you have money to throw at this crap, I would like to congratulate you on your privilege.

2. Ellen And Lohan. It's not really Lohan I have the problem with here because, well, she's a lost cause. Ellen Degeneres though? WTF?! Why on earth would Ellen have Lohan on her show to debut her Playboy cover? Indulging Lohan isn't the sort of thing I thought Ellen would do. I hardly ever watch her show because I'm not home during the day, but this doesn't seem like the sort of thing Ellen viewers would be interested in. Has her show turned into a circus, tabloid thing now? I could see if Ellen had her on to ask her why she's such a screw up, but to promote her Playboy cover? I have no sympathy for Lohan nor do I give any of the fucks about her. I don't think anyone does. Like I said, if she weren't letting her promote her crotch pics I might be interested, but, uh...no.

3. It's A TEXT Message! I belong to a hiking group and we have this one guy who sends out broadcast text messages to everyone in the entire group ALL THE TIME. People who send out broadcast text messages annoy me anyway (you don't need to send a Merry Christmas text message to everyone in your phone people! You haven't called me in two years why are you texting me? You're not even in MY phone anymore why am I in yours?), but this guy is extra special. He's not the organizer of the group and the texts very rarely have anything to do with hiking. Here are some recent examples:

"In LL Bean. Might buy a canoe!"
"You can tell it's the holidays. Lots of traffic everywhere!"
"Taking the kids to The 99. In the mood for steak tips."
"Is the rain crazy where you live?! Just got soaked going into the house!"

He sends these to everyone in the group and we all find it annoying. One of the women told him nicely that he didn't need to text us unless it had something to do with hiking, but I don't think he gets it. I had to carpool with him once and he texted me ten times the day before to make sure I knew where we were meeting, what time, did I want coffee, don't forget an extra pair of socks. I'm thinking of stealing his phone on the next hike and throwing it off the side of the mountain.

To recap: Hot for teacher, rich bitches are worried about their lashes, Ellen loves her some firecrotch and this bastard in my hiking group is going to be missing an iphone soon.

Why Don't We...Make Online Dating Profiles!

2011-12-07T06:00:00.000-05:00

I've received a few comments and emails asking for online dating tips. Why you're asking me for help, I have no idea. I'm obviously not very successful at it, but hey, I like to give the people what they want. Today we'll talk about profiles.

Pick a simple screenname. You might have read elsewhere to have a catchy name that's memorable, but no one cares. Use your first initial, last name with some numbers mixed in or the title of your favorite song. Something you'll remember for login. Word to the wise, don't use a sports team name. It's great that your a Sox fan, but guess what, so is every other guy in your area and it's annoying to get emails from SoxFan12, SoxFan75, SoxFan123, you get the idea.
Don't Sound Like A Douche. So you've been brokenhearted. We all have. You don't need to write about how you've been single for over a year, no girls/guys like you, you're such a catch or you're the nice guy who finishes last. You're supposed to be a nice person. No one owes you sex or a date because you're nice. A man held the elevator for me the other day, should I have bought him dinner or had sex with him to say thank you? No.
Don't Have A List. "Do not message me if" lists drive me crazy, especially if they come at the end of an otherwise appealing profile. Pointing out the exact same common profile flaws that every other jerk on there makes fun of doesn't make you funny. I get it, some people confuse 'your' and 'you're' and sometimes women say they're curvy but you think they're fat, sometimes a guy is 5'10" and says he's 6'. These observations don't make you funny, they make you a dick. Oh! Don't say you're looking for a girl who is equally comfortable in a ballgown and a pair of sweats. Do you know how uncomfortable a ball gown is?! Come on.
Pictures. You have to have a picture. If you can see me, I should be able to see you. That being said, you don't need any more than four or five and they should be of YOU. That sunset you saw in Aruba? It's beautiful, but save it for Facebook. Also make sure I can see you in the picture. That picture of you on the top of a mountain is awesome, but if you're so far away you look like an ant, again, save it for Facebook. Pet pictures are okay though. Who doesn't like pictures of dogs?
Show Your Personality. Don't tell it. Instead of saying you're funny or well educated or caring, demonstrate that. What are your interests? Paintings? Which ones? Traveling? Where have you been? Who doesn't like movies, music and their friends? Give your reader specifics. Tell him/her what movies and music you like. Your personality comes through the details.

It's not as hard as people make it out to be. Be yourself, don't write a novel and PLEASE use spellcheck!

To recap: Your online dating profile is terrible. Just let me write it for you.

Savin'

2011-12-06T08:30:00.000-05:00

My weekend wasn't totally ruined by my bad date. Sunday afternoon my friend Kelly and I went to see "The Muppets". It was such a good movie! Jason Segel is adorable. You have to see this movie if you haven't already. Don't wait for the dvd!

Before the movie we killed some time in Savers. Savers is a thrift store similar to The Salvation Army. It was huge! I spent most of my time in the book section.

They also had housewares, clothes, boots

and scary clowns!

I hate clowns! I ended up buying this pair of boots for $4.

They're perfect for walking to the train in the rain and snow from my apartment. In other news, I have a lunch date today! I had been emailing with this guy and we met up once, but I wrote him off because of my stupid high standards. We kept in touch and he asked yesterday if I wanted to meet for lunch. I figured why not? I'm going to be more open than I was last time and try to get to know him better. You know, not be such a judgemental bitch. Wish me luck!

To recap: Why are you reading this boring blog post about a pair of $4 boots I bought? Go see The Muppet movie!

Date Night With The Redhead

2011-12-04T19:04:00.000-05:00

Saturday night I had my date with the redhead I told you about in this post. We had plans to meet at the Harvard Square T stop then walk over to Grendels for drinks. I waited for about five minutes outside the T stop when he called to tell me that he went straight to the bar because he didn't feel like standing outside in the cold. What a gentleman. I thought this was pretty rude and contemplated just getting back on the T, but I figured I'd go and get it over with. I tried to stay positive on my walk to the bar.

When I got to the bar he was already seated at a table with a drink. He waved a waitress over before I even had my coat off so I ordered a vodka tonic since I didn't have a chance to look at the drink list. I smiled and said "Hey! Nice to meet you in person." I went to give him a hug and he backed away and said, "What kind of boring drink is that?" Um...what? I told him it was what I usually ordered and he proceeded to tell me that he likes when people are more adventurous with their drinks. I pointed at his drink and said, "Yeah, that beer looks like a party." He laughed and I felt relaxed, but the date was already off to a bad start. We talked for a few minutes about our day and then he asked, "So what's your type? What kind of guys do you normally date?" Okay, I HATE this question. Why do people ask this? I don't know what my type is. How about not an asshole who makes me wait because he's too much of a pussy to stand in the cold for five minutes. Seriously. So I said, "Well, I don't know if I have a type. The guys I've dated have all been different, but they usually have kind of a warped sense of humor." He nodded and then we just kind of sat there until he said, "Well, I usually date girls who like to take care of themselves. You know makeup, hair, really skinny. I usually date girls skinnier than you." OH.MY.GOD. I had no idea what the hell to say to that! I was pissed. Did he just call me fat? I wasn't sure. I said, "Well, I just gained 30 pounds over the last year. I lost a lot of weight and was unhealthy for a while. I feel great at the weight I'm at." He didn't skip a beat and said, "You're not going to gain anymore are you?" I was speechless and just sat there. If you're new to the blog, you might not know that I went through two years of hell with my weight. I weighed less than 90lbs a year ago. I've worked hard to overcome those issues. I got out of an unhealthy relationship, moved to a new town, saw a therapist and a nutritionist to help me. I'm so much healthier and feel like a completely different person. I swore I'd never date someone who made me feel as insignificant and unattractive as my ex did. I knew this guy wasn't for me. He started talking about all the other online dates he's gone on and I zoned him out. That's another thing that drives me nuts. I don't want to hear about your dates or your ex-girlfriend on the first date. I'm there to get to know YOU. We had finished our drinks and the waitress came over to see if we wanted another round. I said that I was all set. He had a confused look on his face so I said, "Thank you for the drink, but it's pretty obvious that there's no connection here. You're a lot different in person than you are in email. That's not a compliment." Then I left. I'm sure he thinks I'm a bitch for just leaving him there, but I couldn't care less.

I had never been so happy to be on the train out of the city in my life. I went home, made pasta and watched Downton Abbey. If this taught me anything it's that I definitely need to relax my dating standards because personality and kindness goes a long, long way. I've had a pretty long run of bad dates, but I'm still going to keep trying. There are a lot of nice guys out there. I'll meet one eventually.

To recap: This guy likes to bang skeletons.

Why Don't We...Make Chocolate Peanut Butter Fudge!

2011-12-02T08:30:00.000-05:00

Happy Friday! I was going to do an It's OK! post, but I jumped back into blogging on a whim and haven't had enough time to put a lot of effort into It's OK! Only the best for you guys! It's OK! will return next week deal? Any fun plans for the weekend? I have a date tomorrow night. Wooo! I'm not really into it though. On the plus side, I relaxed my high standards and he's a redhead. I have a new thing for redheads. Some people refer to them as "gingers", but I don't like to do that. I feel like it's offensive. I know it's not offensive, but it reminds me of that time Brandon Davis called Lindsay Lohan a firecrotch and that was totally offensive! I know "ginger" doesn't refer crotches, but it makes me think of firecrotch so that's why I think it's offensive. Oh whatever.

We're having a party at work today. Not for any reason other than work is trying to make me fat. I signed up to make fudge. My recipe only has three ingredients and is super easy to make. Why don't we all make fudge and get fat together!

Chocolate Peanut Butter Fudge

Ingredients:
1 bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 jar of peanut butter (you can use chunky if you want to get crazy)
1 can sweetened condensed milk

Spray an 8x8 pan with non-stick cooking spray. In a microwave safe bowl, combine chocolate chips and peanut butter. Microwave for 2 minutes, then at 1 minute intervals, stirring after each interval until melted and combined. Quickly stir in condensed milk then pour into baking pan. Refrigerate then cut into squares when firm (usually about 20 minutes).

To recap: If I get lucky, I might see a firecrotch this weekend and we're all going to get fat on fudge!

Three Things Thursday

2011-12-01T09:00:00.000-05:00

Hello! Thank you for the warm welcome back to the blogosphere. It's good to be back.

Three Things Thursday. Oh, how I've missed thee...If you're new to the blog, this is a post where I list three things that are annoying me this week. Basically, I whine about my white people problems. You get your chance in the comments.

1. Holiday Weight Loss Talk. Every time I turn on the tv, read a blog or pick up a magazine, there's a story about how to lose holiday weight or how to avoid it. At this point, if you don't know to exercise when you can and to not stuff yourself silly at parties, then you're an idiot. The thing is, you're not an idiot! You know all this! The media and the people writing this crap use the holidays as an excuse to get out of writing something interesting. Why put effort into worthwhile content when they can be lazy and write this crap instead? We deserve better!

2. My Sex Life. You guys, I'm a virgin. That's not true, but it might as well be. I won't even tell you how long it's been since I've had sex. It's embarrassing and you'll make fun of me! I'm lucky if I get a stranger to try to feel up my dress on the T anymore. It's a sad state of affairs. When a man has finally seduced me with fine wine and ripped off my corset in a fit of passion (that's how it's going to go in my mind), it's going to hurt like hell.

3. High Standards. I don't think there's anything wrong with having certain standards when it comes to choosing a dating partner, I just think I've set mine too high. For example, right now I won't date anyone under the age of 34, he has to have at least a bachelor's degree (I prefer a masters), a good job, his own place, he can't be overweight or listen to country music. I know I sound like a snob, but I have my reasons for this so just hear me out. I grew up in a home where my mother worked all the time while my father sat on his ass at home all day. He worked up until he was laid off in the early 90's and would take jobs here and there, but they never worked out. He didn't help out with the household chores, contribute to the house in any way or show any interest in his children. I started working when I was 14 to be able to have money for school clothes and to save for a car and college. I was the first person in my family to graduate from college and I have the student loans to prove it. I've had very bad taste in men ever since I can remember. I chose men who were like my father because that's what I was used to and all the other daddy issues you can think of. I've outgrown that though and don't want the life my mother had. I want to work and my career is important to me (I don't even want kids), but I'm not going to support some guy while he sits on his ass and treats me like crap. I want to be with a responsible, educated, successful man. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. This strategy doesn't seem to be working for me though because I'm only meeting complete tools. Am I missing out on someone good because they don't meet my age requirement or have a master's degree? I know the answer is probably yes, but I don't want to settle. If a guy has a job, doesn't live with his mom and is nice to me, shouldn't that be enough? Yes, it should. Maybe I'm projecting my own insecurities and daddy issues on to prospective suitors. I don't know. I'm a total snob right?

To recap: Your holiday content sucks and I'm a hymenally challenged snob.

What's bugging you this week?

I'm Back!

2011-11-30T11:00:00.000-05:00

Hello! Well, I've decided to return to blogging. I wasn't sure if I would, but I miss having an outlet for the random thoughts in my head. My blog isn't going to be a "Healthy Living Blog" and I don't plan on discussing workouts, food, etc... Or at least not the way I did before. I might mention it if I ate something interesting, but I'd rather talk about things I think are actually interesting. Books, politics, music, movies, dating, just life in general! The header is the same because I like it so whatever. I DO WHAT I WANT! I'll still have the same old snark, because that's just my personality, but I'm not going to snark about blogging. I think I fell into a trap as the "snarky blogger" before and felt stuck there. I even went out of my way to be nasty sometimes and I'm not proud of that. I regret some of the things I posted about, but I can't take it back. It is what it is. Now don't go expecting sunshine and rainbows because we all know that's not going to happen. Like everyone else, I have bad days and we're all adults here so no need to sugar-coat it when life hands me one of those bad days.

Since we last "talked", I've landed a new job as a financial auditor. I'm one of those people that come into your workplace, bug you for this file, ask what procedure that is for, etc... Yeah, I'm totally annoying and I love it. This is something completely different for me, but I'm up for the challenge. My new company offers tuition reimbursement and I'm looking into grad schools for the fall. Ladies be doin' it for themselves!

I'm still single. I had a crush on someone for a while, but he didn't feel the same way. It sucked because he was the first person in a long time I felt comfortable being myself around. I tried being "just friends" but I couldn't do it. I slip and email him every now and then, but all those feelings come back whenever I do so I'm sticking with the cold turkey thing for now. It sucks though! I'm dating, but haven't met anyone that I feel anything more than a friendship with. I'm not even sure what I'm looking for, I guess I'll know it when I find it. I have a TON of dating stories to share so be prepared for tales of a date with a gay guy, yet another guy who sent me nude photos of himself (after he went psycho stalker on me from two dates), and my newly acquired obsession with red heads.

To recap: I'm blogging, I have a new job, and I'm still single and barren.